hal-9000.net

I have unusually strong, narrow interests

<a href=”http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/index.html”> http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/index.html </a>

Reference Site to get info, easier to understand for me.

<a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwgBkXQfnn4″>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwgBkXQfnn4</a>

1) I find Social Situations Confusing.

Yes, I tend to not know how to be around others in groups, I tend to sit and watch others then after observing how folks are I adapt and try to fit in.

2) I find it hard to make small talk.

Yes, unless it’s something I know, My Ex-wife pointed out from her family that I only gave short direct answers.

3) I tend to turn any conversation back onto myself or my own topic of intrest.

Yes, and I get frustrated in my mind over the converstation how to get back to what I want to talk about.

4) I am good at picking up details and facts.

I remember the small details of many obsurcure things, Even where people left things artound the house.

5) I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling.

Most of the time yes, I can mis-understand peoples reactions to things, or even when they are clear I mess it up in my head.

6) I can focus on certain things for long periods.

Yes, I can get lost in my tasks when I’m wanting to do them. Time passes quickly then.

7) People often say I was rude even when this was unintentional.

I’ve gotten this from strangers online, but never thought it to be me, just the way they interpeted things.

I have unusually strong, narrow interests

Technology, wood working, Model trains.

9) I do certain thuings in a very inflexible, repetitive way.

Not to an OCD excetent but Yes, things like How the dishwasher is loaded and such. Nothing major….

10) I have always had difficulty making friends.

I can make aquaintences, but I’m limited to those I would call a friend.  Even to them I can hide alot.

<a href=”http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html”>http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html</a>

Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Cambridge’s Autism Research Centre have created the Autism-Spectrum Quotient, or AQ, as a measure of the extent of autistic traits in adults. In the first major trial using the test, the average score in the control group was 16.4. Eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or a related disorder scored 32 or higher. The test is not a means for making a diagnosis, however, and many who score above 32 and even meet the diagnostic criteria for mild autism or Asperger’s report no difficulty functioning in their everyday lives.

Agree: 2,4,5,6,7,9,12,13,16,18,19,22,23,26,33,35,39,41,42,43,45,46: 1 point

Disagree: 8,10,11,17,24,25,27,29,31,32,34,36,37,38,49,50: 1 point

Score: 38

So I am writing this from my iPhone. I’m back playing wow on the moonguard server. Made some friends but still have the same old problem of jealousy, I get to see “wifey” having fun while I struggle with meeting folks.

In other news, I’m fighting a strong desire to go to a bar for drinks, it’s been like 8 years. The desire feels stronger now then ever.

Yes, it’s just past 1am here and I’m posting on my birthday. 31 today. Man time flies.

Again, sitting here in relative silence. Listening to Wife running ZA. I’ve been playing Mahjhong with a win record of like 20%, that is 5 wins in 24 games. It’s the only thing that seems to give me something to do. WoW is loosing it’s appeal. but Since I’ve paid through june I might as well use it. Rockband has been fun, but only so long, playing by yourself. Tomorrow is my 31st Birthday. Only plans are Taking Kid to school for her last day, and Dinner at Olive Garden. I am gonna run Kara in game, but not really looking forward to it.

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I’ve completely lost desire to interact with people. I try, I sit here and hear my wife talking away on Vent, laughing and such, with her guildmates.  I grown jealous of it all, so I turn up my music here so I don’t have to listen to it.  I’m currently guildless after trying a few different guilds. But in the end, they aren’t what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a place where I can feel needed, wanted. Not just a number, and not just the social BS small talk that goes on.  I don’t know if it’s just me getting older, But I’ve never been much for the small talk that goes on between people. I’ve always been more to the point with my interactions. Examples are people would always ask how my brothers or sister was doing. They were all living away from home. So I had no clue, and I tell people that. Just sorta kill a conversation right there. I need to find that small group I can naturally fit into, I hate feeling like I have to force myself into conversations. It’s like inviting yourself to peoples houses to play, as a kid. And this week has been tough, in game, and my wife proved my point for me today. There have been several quests needed to be done. and I had been asking for, literally, months for help.  I got no help, or people would find excuses, But in the matter of 3 days she got more help to get them done. It quite honestly, pisses me off.  I know I’m an average player. I accept that, but still people don’t care, I’ve tried to give them all I can to help, and All I get is no.  Rejection sucks. So I’m done with it. So I sit guildless, I’ve gotten offers to run things, but since I’ve recently changed specs, I don’t feel confident in my abilites and don’t want to deal with 4 other random people to start bitching at me. But those I do know and ask for help don’t want to deal with me, because I’m not at there level of game play anymore.  So I’m stuck…

Ok, so lately, I’ve been in a funk of sorts. My Wife can attest, my mood has been quite erractic.  In my head as I think to what I’ve been feeling, I’ve lost my desire to do things. Lost that excitement to do things. So I sit around in Game (World of Warcraft) or at my desk, just kinda doin nothing. Work is the same way. No Desire to actually code or work on much. I can’t pinpoint what it is that started all this, but lately things aren’t going so well. Finacially we are starting to crumble. Socially, I work from home so my only interactions are with the wife and daughter. I do go to Walmart shopping every few days, but That just involves Walking around with the iPhone and getting what is needed.  Even that happens when we are nearly out of food and have to go.

Perhaps this is the best way to convay my thoughts and feelings. To share with the world what is going on in my head. So I will try my best to write here often.